Well 2016 has started….
I am annoyed that my doctor thinks it is acceptable to leave me on an antidepressant for the next month that isn’t working and isn’t going to work because they are too pathetic to change anything. But too be honest I am not sure if I am actually angry at the doctor or just about my situation. I have hardly any money which is making me anxious, but the worst part about that is being around people who constantly complain about having no money when they are clearly in a better situation than me.
I hate the fact that I am really shy… Not because I am shy but because everyone else seems to view it as a bad thing. Them viewing it as a bad thing isn’t a huge problem, I mean everyone has their strengths and weaknesses and I don’t care that much for peoples opinions. However people rarely seem to see past it and sadly sometimes people opinions matter. My councilor says that if some one tries to tell me to be something I am not it is abuse and that it is a problem with them however I don’t know if this applies to being shy.
I am so afraid that I can’t change anything and that I will be left hopeless. CBT is centered around challenging negative thoughts….. but what if there is some strong evidence for a negative thought that I can’t get past and I am not sure I will ever be able to get past it???
I am emotionally numb and people don’t seem to understand this. It is similar to being physically numb, but with emotions. It is like when you go to the dentist and they stop you from feeling pain. You can kinda feel that something is there to be felt, but if you were asked to describe what it was that you were feeling would you be able to describe it? I sure can’t.