I ever understood what people meant when they said, “anxiety is when you miss a step, but all the time.” You see the problem wasn’t that I hadn’t experienced anxiety, it was that I hadn’t missed a step while actually processing how it felt.
The other day when I got a fright, I had this feeling. This feeling felt familiar. It was at this moment that I realised what I had been feeling the whole time. It’s that horrible feeling like someone has put their hand through you stomach and is twisting your insides. That is anxiety.
I am so anxious right now, I have an exam tomorrow. Not just any exam either, it’s an oral exam. I actually have to talk to people… And on top of all this horror, it’s in the morning. So naturally I’m freaking out about sleeping through it. My mind tries to compromise, it thinks I can pull an all nighter. Not to study though, just so I can’t sleep through.
The worst part about this exam period is that it feels so never ending. I have two weeks of placement after. And just to make it worse both weeks are in different places. Two weeks of an unfamiliar environment, with people who are all settled it. All these people know their roles, they know what they are supposed to be doing. Then their will be me, putting all my energy into just being there, just trying to make it through my two weeks without having a breakdown. Such fun 😐