Suicidal thoughts

My counsellor today asked about suicidal thoughts, I didn’t say much on the topic. I just don’t know how to talk about it, some of my thoughts are just fucked up. 

The other day I was on the 5th floor of a building and there was a window and my brain was like I could totally just climb out that. Other times I just want to try take all my pills, and other times all I think is I want to die. One time i was thinking about suicide and decided it would be too sad because my childhood best friend was traveling on the other side of the world so couldn’t go to my funeral. 

I know I should talk to make sense of it all, but it’s just so weird to talk about.

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4 thoughts on “Suicidal thoughts

  1. What amazes me is how so many people will use the word “selfish” for anyone that attempts suicide. They have no idea that this has nothing to do with being selfish. Would they call a cancer patient who decides to self terminate selfish? I think not and the reality is, depression, anxiety, bi-polar; these can be life long battles that steal away our soul and cause such incredible pain, both mental and physical. It is my belief that those who die from suicide did not want to end their lives, they wanted to end their pain – there’s a big difference.

    Liked by 1 person

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