So I am trying to learn how to play the ukulele. I brought one, so now I need to use it. It’s quite fun.
Surely they will realise they fucked up. Probably not. People suck, they never learn. Same shit over and over.
My therapist was totally wanting me to cry today. Like not in a bad way. But I knew what they were up to.
What do you do when you’re biggest fear comes true? Well maybe not the biggest, but one that people might say was, “unrealistic”. If I had talked to people earlier this year, saying that I was worried that I would be in the exact position I am now; I woul have been told that was negative thinking.
Just because it’s negative doesn’t mean it won’t happen, negative things happen. Sometimes it seams that life just shits on some people more than others… And I watch nieve people everyday who don’t think this is the case. Don’t try to claim this isn’t true. People are born into poverty every day, they are millions of times more disadvantaged than me. I acknowledge that. Some people have lives harder than me. Yet people act like they worked hard to be where they are. They didn’t.
Life is how you were told it was as a young child, life isn’t fair. Acknowledge it.
Exams are almost over…
Right now I feel invisible, forgotten about, alone. Like I’m separate from everything. Like those people who go back in time, they just watch.
Sometimes I have so much emotion inside me I just want to scream. I don’t even know what emotion it is? I think it is a mixture of so may emotions, sadness, anger, anxiety…. definitely no happiness. A large amount of frustration.
This is not the time I am at my most logical. Although at the same time, I am, but only if it results in a negative. Does that make any sense? I doubt it. I’m not the best with words. I am like 90% sure I’m dyslexic. Just yesterday, in my exam, I couldn’t spell the word, John. I kept trying to put, Jhon. Actually, just now I still tried to put Jhon. . . I know there’s supposed to be an h in there somewhere. Just a tad tragic really. Anyway, one day when I have money, I might pay to be tested. How do they even test for it anyway? I can’t express this concern with people because I will likely be told I have gotten too far through education for it to be the case.