Would my life be different?

I wonder how my life would have turned out without depression? I know my grades have been affected, but what consequences did this have, and what about the hidden effects? Will this experience help me in the future, or will it all be for nothing? As much as I want to believe everything happens for a reason, that’s just not me. 

I feel like depression is a part of me. I know you all want to tell me it’s not, but I just feel, who I am set me up for this. Maybe it’s just because it all started when I was so young? 

Everybody wants to be in control, but we can’t control everything. That’s why so many people have to pick something to control. It makes us feel so much more comfortable. I have been told in the past I need to leave my comfort zone. But what’s the point, harden anyone else does. And when they do, it’s for a millisecond. They go out, then strait back into their bubble of comfort. Over a lifespan this means nothing… Why not just be comfortable? Maybe it’s because you can’t, no one is ever comfortable with themselves. 

How do you let go of anger? There are some people I am so angry with. But there’s no changing the past, so I should move on right? But I really want to hold a grudge. 

Why do people never listen to me? I swear it’s not a difficult task. I don’t say much, honestly I’m one of the quietest people you will ever meet. Yet when I speak no one seems to care.

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One thought on “Would my life be different?

  1. I think about my other life — the one I would have had had I not gotten depression — all of the time. I know in my head it would not have been perfect, but I want to believe it would have been better than what I have. Jeez, just to not have the constant sadness would be great.

    I agree with you. I AM my depression. I am not and will never be free of it. It is part of who I am.

    Liked by 2 people

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