I’m average, nothing special. I’m good at some things, but not great. I’m not even outstandingly bad at anything. I don’t stand out, practically invisible. But does anyone really? Even if you’re amazing at something, are you world number one? If you’re world number one, I still probably don’t know your name. You’re invisible to me.
This is how depression works. This is how depression can affect anyone. It can be a thought process. But sometimes there are no thoughts, you just feel it. It’s like this black hole inside you, somewhere between your stomach and your heart. It kind of feels like someone knocked the air out of your lungs. But it’s strangely heavy, you feel weighed down. Like someone through a weight at you then it got stuck inside you.
Like my explanation, depression doesn’t make sense. Yet at the time it feels so logical. My thought process above, it’s not really illogical. It also doesn’t make much sense.
There is so much going on, I don’t display much emotion. If I displayed on my face what I was feeling you would think I was weird. You can’t walk around miserable all the time, that’s socially unacceptable. Also, it’s really hard to know what emotion you are feeling, and it seems like that is required to be able to express it in any other way other than crying.
Worthlessness, despair, anger, frustration, disgust, fear, but all at once.
Welcome to my hell hole.