Ok so I finally had an appointment I can bitch about. I had organised my first appointment which had to be 15 minutes with a nurse and 30 minutes with a GP. Well, the nurse was really nice which was good and you know she did her job. Shocking someone would actually do that I know.
But the GP was shit. He was just like how’s your mood, so you have been on these medications? Any you’ve been on them for a while now? Who initiated this? And who were they? You know all the information the nurse had collected + information if they had just read for 5 minutes during the entire 30 minutes they had booked they would have known the answer. But no can’t even fucking skim read. Anyway, that wasn’t even the part that was the problem. I mean other that the fact that I saw no need for a 30-minute appointment. It just makes me extra shitty because that 15 minutes could have gone to someone else. I mean I’m 22 years old, it’s called context people.
Also when I asked if I could have my iron checked because my iron always goes low. They said no, because “it was last checked in November and it was like 23”. And obviously because I was over the magic number of 20 3 months ago it must be fine. That would be fine, but my iron was 23 after taking 3 months of iron tablets. Again, people, it’s called context, it’s really not that hard!
Anyway, next time I go to make an appointment I will request a different Dr. I have never had to do that before, but I am not going to tolerate this shit. See I am going to take the iron tablets anyway, but I am really tempted to not and just let it get really low and be like well is you’d just done it 3 months ago like I had asked….
I will never understand life.
I have this problem where I act like I find all my problems are funny. It’s obviously a defense mechanism. I don’t want to admit to people that I’m struggling, so much that I will try to throw them off discovering it for themselves.
I haven’t been writing much recently, but that is because there isn’t much going on in my life at the moment. Right now everything is just pretty repetitive and mundane. Nothing exciting to update about. I haven’t had any more appointments, so I have nothing to complain about be surprised that people are not useless at their job.
Once I have had some more appointments etc. I will be able to do a sort of comparison between the mental health systems in different areas. I am in a much smaller city now so theoretically they should have fewer resources etc available, but it also wouldn’t be hard to improve on my previous experiences.
My thoughts are being weird recently, attempting to over think things I guess. I keep thinking people are thinking bad things about me. Hard to explain, doesn’t matter what I do I can’t really convince myself that my thoughts are not true. I have never really been very good at that anyway.
I have now done two weeks of work. Everything is ok so far. It’s kinda weird at the moment as I don’t know that many people here so I need to try make new connections.
So today really wasn’t the best day, right from the start when I messed up my porridge. My thoughts were very negative compared to what they have been in the recent past. CBT teaches me that thoughts don’t equal the truth, but it feels so true. Anyway on the bright side I’m noticing these things now. One of my problems is I can get too emotional and I have to shut it off to not breakdown, but that makes me feel dead inside.
Everything just feels like a blur right now. But that’s better than the opposite