Where do you draw the line?

So many places have “criteria” to be accessed. But what is functionally impaired anyway? Why do I get left out because I am willing to just have a panic attack whereas others would just completely avoid the situation. Why am I considered ok because I can interact with people while I’m on the brink of tears? When I just have to hope my words will come out ok. 

This is starting to become regular at work, over the last week. I don’t have any sick leave so I have to go. I can’t afford to not have a job, so I have to have one, so I show up, I function. There is no other option. Having a job means I can’t get funding for counselling, so I don’t have one. My meds are too complex that GPs don’t like to touch them, so I should really have a psychiatrist, but I can’t afford one. 

I get told I should talk to x and just say “I’m feeling anxious what should I do?” But I’m too anxious to do that. People say it’s normal to be sort of anxious in knew environments, I’m fine. But how anxious is normal anxious? 

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2 thoughts on “Where do you draw the line?

  1. I’m not sure where you are from but in CA Mental Health treatment is such a nightmare. Especially if your on Medi-cal or state funded insurance. It takes months to see a psychiatrist if you can find one that even takes state ins anymore and when you do find one the crisis care is a joke. I’ve delt with this for so many years between my child and myself. I’ve lost a job over PTSD the stigma behind it is ridiculous. I’ve been right where your at and when I went in for crisis treatment I lost my job. When you have to choose between your life and your job. I choose my life. I’m sorry your struggling and I hope you find the help because it’s awful to feel helpless when it comes to depression I know.

    Liked by 1 person

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