Jumbled thoughts 

I want to know what’s wrong with me, maybe there is nothing wrong with me… Who even knows what’s normal?

See there are some things I know I suck at, but no one helps me not suck. Sometimes you need help to not suck… 

I don’t like people, they talk too much. They judge too much. 

I never know what to say. 

So my boss wants me to wear make up to work, it’s more professional apparently. So I’m pretty much going to have to do it at night because I have nowhere near enough time before work.

Do you ever just look at people, and they remind you of how much your life is a mess.


So sad I can’t breathe

I’m sitting here all alone,

Feeling like I don’t belong.

Why does this world feel so wrong?

My life goes in circles, surrounded by contradiction,

What did I do to deserve this conviction.
And what does it take to be taken seriously?

You lack the ability to understand my misery, 

What happened to empathy?

And how am I supposed to heal,

when you act like my pain isn’t even real.
I’m surrounded by comparison,

I’m being suffocated by societies hatred and arrogance.

Sometimes I get so sad I can’t breathe,

Why can’t it all just be about what’s underneath

I should probably talk to a therapist.

My personality isn’t likeable, 
I have no confidence and it makes life feel so impossible.

I feel so expendable, worthless and small.

But I’m sure others have felt like me,
But we have to realise our vision is cloudy.

Let’s stop being prisoners in society,

and make this word a pleasant place to be.


I never understood the quote,”when life gives you lemons, make lemonade” as a child. I think it’s because I liked lemons, I didn’t realise it ment turn the bad into good. I am trying to be positive about my situation right now, I really am. It’s just what if you have too many lemons and no sugar? How are you supposed to make lemonade? I feel like I’m gathering all these lemons but I can’t find any sugar, I ask around but no one will give me any. No one will even give me some shitty artificial sweetener. 

I don’t know 

I am not good with words, I’m not sure what it is about my brain? But I can’t get my thoughts into words… It’s not even that I don’t think in words, I do. But those words make sense to me but not as comunication with others. To be honest I don’t even understand myself. 

I have to try tell the dr tomorrow “how I am” when I don’t even know.