Avoidant Personality Dissorder

So a while ago the psychiatrist was trying to claim I have avoidant personality disorder, so in this post, I am going to go through this diagnosis, which I don’t particularly think fits me. There are lots of reasons that I disagree, but the main reason is that people close to me disagree and think it’s a joke. Also, although I might display some symptoms, they tend to be very situation dependent. You can claim the professional knows best, however, said professional could barely remember the medications they prescribed me, hence my lake of faith in their abilities.

The essential features of a personality disorder are impairments in personality (self and interpersonal) functioning and the presence of pathological personality traits. To diagnose avoidant personality disorder, the following criteria must be met:

1.Impairments in self functioning (a or b):

A) identity: Low self-esteem associated with self-appraisal socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior; excessive feelings of shame or inadequacy.

I would agree with low self-esteem, however so would the majority of people with depression, and relating to socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior. I would say no, lots of people think I’m great. I can be very socially awkward in some situations, but I’m not that bad. Sometimes I feel socially inept and inferior, however only if some dickhead points out some social weakness and is an asshole about it. As for excessive feelings of shame or inadequacy, if I do something wrong, in new situations, it tends to go away as I get used to environments unless that environment is toxic.

B)Self-direction: Unrealistic standards for behavior associated with reluctance to pursue goals, take personal risks, or engage in new activities involving interpersonal contact.

Yes, I don’t set goals, purely because I don’t find them useful. I think it’s important to have direction, but you don’t need goals for that. The other two, I was very close to taking quite a big personal risk and would have followed through if the situation had allowed. The last point no.

2.Impairments in interpersonal functioning (a or b):

a. Empathy: Preoccupation with, and sensitivity to, criticism or rejection, associated with distorted inference of others‟
perspectives as negative.

In general, I don’t give a fuck what people think.  I tend to get complimented on that a lot. However, I can be sensitive in work environments where critasism and rejection really aren’t ideal. I would have agreed with the distorted perspectives part if it wasn’t for the fact that I recently found out that it turns out I was correct in thinking that. It was actually probably worse than I thought.

B. Intimacy: Reluctance to get involved with people unless being certain of being liked; diminished mutuality within intimate relationships because of fear of being shamed or ridiculed.

I need the definition of involved, friendships no. A romantic relationship, I don’t have to be certain, but it would be stupid to waste energy on someone who I didn’t think probably liked me.  Intimate relationships issue is not from a fear of being shamed or ridiculed.

Pathological personality traits in the following domains: 

1. Detachment, characterized by:

a. Withdrawal: Reticence in social situations; avoidance of social contacts and activity; lack of initiation of social contact.

I have said this a lot. I don’t like people, they suck. The few people I like I am perfectly happy to interact with. Just the majority of people aren’t worth my time.


b. Intimacy avoidance: Avoidance of close or romantic relationships, interpersonal attachments, and intimate sexual relationships.

I don’t avoid them, I don’t really engage in them unless I think they are worth my energy. Majority of people as too interested in sex. Also, this interest is affected by the bellow . . .

c. Anhedonia: Lack of enjoyment from, engagement in, or energy for life‟s experiences; deficits in the capacity to feel pleasure or take interest in things.

This can be explained by depression.

Also, I don’t feel detached socially…

2. Negative Affectivity, characterized by:

a. Anxiousness: Intense feelings of nervousness, tenseness,
or panic, often in reaction to social situations; worry about the negative effects of past unpleasant experiences and future negative possibilities; feeling fearful, apprehensive, or threatened by uncertainty; fears of embarrassment.

Yes I some. Only if logically the unpleasant experience could cause negative effects. Haha, I am the most relaxed person in terms of uncertainty. Fears of embarrassment depend on the day and who I am with.

So, in general, I’m borderline on a lot individually. if you don’t look at the other aspects such as, I work with people, the majority of social situations I’m fine, and the fact that recent other people’s actions have affected intimacy and I think it is a normal reaction.

But the main problem comes from the to have the personality disorder, The impairments in personality functioning and the individual‟s personality trait expression are relatively stable across time and consistent across situations.

Why not just stick with the more simple diagnosis of social anxiety?

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Life is Much Better with No Responsibilities. 

Right now I have no responsibilities, so I’m going pretty well. I keep getting surprised by it, but then I realise that if I only spend my day doing things I enjoy, it would make sense that I would have a good day. In contrast to going surprisingly well. I am not overly keen on thinking positively as things tend to go wrong, and I am over being disappointed. 

This is pretty much the opposite of what CBT tells you to do. I’m not really thinking negatively, more just avoiding being to positive. I mean you could say it was realistic thinking, but people don’t like to acknowledge that negative thoughts about the future can be realistic. No one ever teaches you what to do when all the evidence points to the negative. 

Reflecting on this year I have really only learned that people are shit, well more than I already thought they were anyway. Everyone has just been shit. There are a lot of nice people, however they tend to be useless, therefore are shit. I would prefer to have more mean, yet useful people in my life. Or atleast if they were mean and useless I wouldn’t feel guilty about complaining about their uselessness. 

People are so behind the times, why does it appear that people haven’t caught on to the whole mental illness is a medical condition. Maybe if people could get that in their heads they would be less shit.

My psychiatrist isn’t the brightest crayon in the box

Has anyone ever thought that their psychiatrist was prescribing inappropriately? Mine has prescribed 450mg SR and I’m supposed to take it all in the morning. But all the reason ems I read say that for the SR formulation the maximum dose is 400mg per day and should be taken as no more than 200mg in a single dose and doses should be eight hours apart. I’m not concerned about the 450mg vs 400mg as in my country we only have 150mg tablets, so 400mg isn’t an option. 

Doc said to take in the morning as otherwise I won’t sleep. But I’m no expert but I think I would rather take my chances on the insomnia than decreased seizure threshold. But doc’s risk benefit:analysis isn’t particularly strong.

I have already been taking them as prescribed but I’m considering just moving 1 150mg tablet to the evening.

13/11/17

I’m really dark at the moment because my boss knows about my mental health, and in quite a lot of detail I might add. Yet last week, when I was obviously having a bad week they didn’t even ask me if I was ok.

It’s so weird that when you first meet people you can tell whether someone is a good person to tell about mental health issues. On the bright side, I was on point with my judgement. But I’m still pissed.

I’m just trying to function and people want me to function better. I wish people weren’t so shit.

I Need Treatment Goals…

I just seem to be off in my own little world at the moment. It kinda reminds me of being a child. I think I’m overtired. . .

So I started this post a few days ago, haven’t gotten any further. Probably a nice summary of my general motivation to do anything right now. On the bright side if I’m not posting it usually means that my sleep is going good because if I’m posting regularly, it’s usually in the middle of the night and because I can’t sleep.

I have so many things that I need to do and I keep putting them off until the last minute. It needs to stop, but I can’t stop it. There is just this weird mental block there.

It’s really weird being at work, being a mental health patient and having no one know about it. Hearing the way people speak about mental health related things. People act like the people who get really angry are “mental”. But the thing is associating those people with mental health issues is wrong. The majority of people with mental health problems have way too much anxiety to express their anger at someone. Most of the time they can’t even go back and tell the cashier that they were given the wrong change.

I think I have been outwardly way more “flat” recently, which is annoying because soon I will have to deal with all the comments that go with that. If my boss bitches about it I will be annoyed because they told me not to chew gum, so with that comes no facial expressions. The person who is my main person I deal with through mental health was like maybe try mints…. what is the difference, how are mints ok and gum not? The strange concepts that go on in neurotypicals minds…

When I complained about the whole gum thing to other people they said, just claim its nicotine gum. The idea is good, other than the fact that I obviously don’t smoke. But the idea that it’s only ok if you are doing it to try quit smoking…

Sometimes I wonder how the people at work would react if they knew how mentally fucked I was, “I think they would be like oh shit have we said anything bad?” To which the answer would be, no, but you’re very nieve.

Anyway back to me. Mental health wants me to set goals… I’m not really a goal setter, all they do is make you feel shit when you fail. But they will get angry if I don’t have any, so please comment with any treatment goals you have had in the past…

 

 

 

22/06/17

I’m in the mood for some philosophical thinking around psychology/psychiatry.

Reality is defined as the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them and psychosis is defined as a loss of touch with external reality, as per Google of course. These seem like simple definitions, but lines get very blurry very quickly.

Let’s start with religion, so many people claim that they hear or see God. a very minimal percentage of this group get a psychosis diagnosis. But if you hear voices that are from other not visible beings you’re “psychotic”.

Some scientists believe that it is more likely we live in a simulation than not. We could be the Sims 100. Imagine if all my depression could be attributed to some loser picking the gloomy trait for their sim…

Anyway, this whole thought came about because the psychiatrist asked if I had ever heard voices. Which I have but only when I’m trying to get to sleep so I don’t think that counts, well hopefully not.