Jumbled thoughts 

I want to know what’s wrong with me, maybe there is nothing wrong with me… Who even knows what’s normal?

See there are some things I know I suck at, but no one helps me not suck. Sometimes you need help to not suck… 

I don’t like people, they talk too much. They judge too much. 

I never know what to say. 

So my boss wants me to wear make up to work, it’s more professional apparently. So I’m pretty much going to have to do it at night because I have nowhere near enough time before work.

Do you ever just look at people, and they remind you of how much your life is a mess.

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18/8/17

so update on my psychiatrist visit, to cut a long story short I am going to write in and request to be switched.

I have had the same conversation with him 4 times, he can’t remember what medication I’m or the dose of the medication he decided to put me on. I get doctors have lots of patients, but its called notes, look at them before I get into the room, or even while I’m there, better than being wrong.

He also tried to decide to decrease one of my medications, and it happened to be the only medication that has done anything for me ever, so I didn’t let him do that.

I don’t to see the psychiatrist when I ‘m feeling shitty to have one of my meds decreased and that’s it. I didn’t have any side effect problems or anything.

Anyone got any advice on how to write to change Dr because apparently just asking isn’t enough?

17/08/17

So I’m seeing the psychiatrist tomorrow, and if he suggests one more stupid thing I’m actually going to request a new one. It’s getting a awkward the amount of appointments I’ve been having, someone’s going to ask questions soon. 

Idk what’s going to happen, I will probably end up really frustraited tomorrow. 

10/8/17

So I don’t really want to talk about why I’m mentally a tad fucked right now. I just haven’t processed it enough, and there are facts about my situation that I’m a bit lost on… I was just going along trying to cope and I pretty much was told I’m not going to achieve what I want to acheive.

I don’t know what I’m doing at the moment, or where I’m going. 

I’m just so confused about this situation, have people been talking to this other person? Or do they just know? 

I hate it when people bring negativity into my life. 

26/07/17

My psychiatrist fucked with my medications, even though I tried to tell him his idea had more risk associated with it than the potential benefit. He wouldn’t shut up about it, so I went along with it because I was feeling shit and figured I didn’t have much to lose. But seems to have turned out there was something to lose because now I feel shitter…

But I can’t complain yet because I haven’t given the medication time to work… But It won’t work. Like I don’t want to assume and be pessimistic, but I feel it’s more realistic when the other.

I am trying to reward myself more often, so today I am playing Sims.

 

19/07/17

I have been feeling so shitty this past week, I haven’t felt this shitty for like a year. I don’t know of any trigger, it just feels like a spiral, I know it’s going to spiral, I know what’s going to happen. I can’t stop it.

Everything feels sort of numb in a way, I don’t know how to explain it, I don’t know if it’s a weighed down feeling? I just need a break, why doesn’t life have a pause button?